baltimore.

1 - i live in.

2 - oh my god with the smell. algae bloom. fish dying. the whole of the harbor and its surrounding areas were horrifyingly unfresh last weekend.

3 - my kitty is a watchdog in. seriously she was on point way and alert way before i realized the cops were at my front door (seriously).

4 - god dammit. just awesome.

5 - the cops at my door. (see #3) i do not believe in answering my door because if someone i know were to come to my house they would call and/or txt me ahead of time. no call. no txt. no answer.

it is late. and then...

BANG BANG BANG. (me: ...)
BANG BANG BANG (me: ...)
BANG BANG BANG IT'S THE POLICE (me: buh oh. what??? wait. what???)
and here is the part you will enjoy. i was sitting on my couch with a friend. a boy. and he's sitting there as stunned and still as i am. so i take it upon myself to say "STAY HERE." (because i am obviously about to take care of things.)

i proceed to vault over him and open the door. two police officers: a petite blonde lady officer and a mediumish dude officer. we have the following conversation:

her: ma'am is that your car (pointing to my car across the street)
me: yes (how did they know???)
him: did your car have two side view mirrors?
me: yes. but i'm guessing now not so much?
her: ma'am, we're going to need you to come out here and look at the damage.
me: okay (i start walking out of the door without shoes on(
her: ma'am. please put shoes on. there's a lot of blood.

TUNE IN NEXT TIME WHEN YOU LEARN WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY CAR!!