Okay, right. In no particular order, I would like you to know these things:

• This website is so charming it hurts me. I read through all the archives and even emailed them. I want to work for this company very badly, but I do not live in any of the locations where they reside, nor am I, um, that way enough. And by “that way” I mean nice. (From what I gather.)


• I’m moving in 8 days. SO SOON!


• There is an article in today’s Post about pork barrel spending. The link to the story was “Embracing the Power of Pork”. YES. Sadly, it in no way involves the porcine.


• It is completely unfair to have dreams about your secret crushes in which you 1) just get to say hi to them because they are attending a funeral or 2) go out to lunch with them like you and he are an old married couple, except in the dream you are feeling like a shy, horny virginal teenager. Both of these happened to me this week and I for one am not amused. Thanks for nothing, brain!


• There is a chance that I may end up in some sort of sitcom pilot type of thing. (!)


• If I had to pick a musician/pop/rock/star that annoyed me the most, it would be Rod Stewart.


• I understand when someone says, “John and Lisa are going to have a baby!” I do not understand it when someone says, “John and Lisa are pregnant!” I also do not understand it when a man says, “I’m going to have a baby in December!” What is the deal with that? The woman is the only one pregnant or going to have a baby. For some reason I give it a pass when I hear either “We are going to have a baby!” or “[Man] and [Woman] are going to have a baby!” In the other cases it sounds like a big bag of condescending “include the dad” bullshit. Am I wrong?


• My car still has new car smell. AWESOME.


• I am on dating hiatus. In part because I hate dating, but mostly because I hate men.


• I got my sheets and duvet cover in the mail and they look absolutely flawless.


• I was thinking about the “Miss” vs. “Ms.” debate, and here’s what I say to that: WHO CARES? If the online form field is * required, I type in “Miss”.


• If I could be really, really proficient with any type of weapon imaginable, I would choose a gun. Sure, in theory knife fighting would be awesome, and James Coburn’s character, Britt, in “The Magnificent Seven” is tremendous, but presumably the person you are going to kill is a bad person and/or dangerous, and really who is trying to get close? Plus, it would be delightful to have a penis equivalent without a substantial car payment.